choices

Sometimes I wonder at the different ways in which we all process information. I know that each of us are unique, (some of us are more "unique" than others) but I can't help wondering like a stupid thirteen year old girl sometimes, if anyone thinks the way that I do about things. Of course they do - I know that. They just may not be in my immediate family.

My mom has said before that we're so different, and we are. Robyn and my mom are nearly the same person in two different bodies, but I don't have anyone that I'm like that with. I make decisions completely differently than Robyn or my mom. Than a lot of people I know. The issue comes when trying to explain myself to people. The "when to have a baby" thing has been a bit of a struggle - some people just don't get why we waited this long, and that's understandable, but not really anyone's decision but ours. I'm completely confident that we made the right choice to wait as long as we did. Not everyone feels that way about it, but that's okay with me.

Here's another funny one that I will likely make that I'm not sure many people I know will understand. Except Peter's sister Katie, for obvious reasons. I do not want to give birth the way that most women do. This has been on my mind a bit lately - I know a lot of pregnant people right now, and people who have had babies very recently, but not one of them that I know of, has done anything but go into a hospital, labour until the epidural arrives, and proceed with minimal pain (during the delivery anyway - recovery sucks either way, I hear). This is a completely fine option, and I'm all about women having their babies in whatever way they feel best. A lot of women find a lot of comfort in the way most hospital births happen. It's clean (mostly), there is an element of calm and control that the doctors and nurses have that is very calming when you're feeling completely out of control and terrified, and in a world of pain. I get it. But I don't want that.

I remember watching Robyn in the hospital, and I know she went in without any sort of "birth plan" (what a hippie-sounding term that is!). I know she wanted the pain relief and that was it. I don't blame her. It looked awful. But a lot of what looked awful was the fact that they gave her morphine (which raised my eyebrows even then) and it made her so violently ill, that I was almost relieved when she'd have a contraction because she'd stop dry-heaving for a while. Sorry - that's how it looked from my perspective. Her retching over a bedpan and then the contraction, and then the retching again. I'm sure she'd have taken the nausea over the pain any day of the week but both at the same time seemed like a little too much to deal with. It went on for hours like that until finally, mercifully, the epidural. They didn't know she'd react like that, neither did she, but that's how it went. I felt bad for her. Worse than I've ever felt for anyone actually. It wasn't only that - now that I think about it, there are a lot of things about the whole experience that I wouldn't choose if I had the choice to have it differently. Until yesterday, I thought that the options consisted of the following:
1.) Be in the hospital, have the baby the way most women do, or
2.) get a midwife, some incense and an inflatable tub and have the baby on a tarp in the living room.
If that was it, I'd pick the hospital every time. In an ideal world, I'd want something in between. And, because I am the way I am, I have been researching this and it may actually be an ideal world! I didn't know that Canada only recognized midwifrey as an actual profession until the 90's. Now, you can take a midwife into Nanimo Regional General Hospital, into their newly renovated birthing rooms, and pretty much be left alone. And it's all covered by health care! They're qualified by the BC government to work with an anesthetist, should you desire that or any specialist, should anything go wrong. The Nanaimo midwife that I've been researching has been a nurse for 10 years, since in Canada, that was as close as she could get. She's qualified. She isn't huffy about wanting pain medication. She looks like a nice woman. She feels it's "her calling" to be with women, and support them during labour. There was no weird eastern mysticism in her bio, no worship of the incredible mother earth power that comes alive in the womb of a woman when she briths (Seriously!?). She seems down to earth, solid, medically trained, caring, and professional. I don't want a million people coming in and out of my room. It actually made me angry when the nurses changed shifts during Robyn's delivery. I thought nurses worked long shifts - between 9am and 6pm we saw about three different groups. "Hi I'm Annie, I just got on shift, and I'm just going to give you a quick check" and on with the gloves and within seconds you are officially intimate with Annie. They were lovely, nice women, really - but it annoyed me to no end that there were so many of them. I don't think Robyn noticed or cared. I think I would have. It would be upsetting to me. So would the doctor walking in three seconds before Luc was born, catching the baby, handing it off to a nurse and walking out. Again, all these people were lovely, but the whole thing didn't sit well with me. Maybe I'm not as tough as she is. It was too clinical - they'd seen it all before, she was just another patient having another baby.

Having one or two women in the room with Peter and I during this process sounds nicer to me. I don't want to say that I won't have an epidural, and I won't be devastated if I have to have a C-Section. But I want to try it naturally, and see how it goes. I don't want to do it on a tarp in the living room - I imagine we'd get evicted from our rental for it anyway.

There are some amazing statistics that go with a midwife. Their patients almost always have shorter labours, request less painkillers, are less likely to need a C-Section or a forceps delievery. They are induced less often. They suffer less with post-partum depression. Midwives are completely competant and their patients do not have higher infant death rates or anyting scary like that. The main difference that I've found is that a doctor focuses on the baby, and the delivery process. A midwife focuses on you and allows for your body to naturally have a baby the way it was created to do it. Because they are focused on the mother, the mother relaxes, and the pain lessens.

Here was the clincher for me. This midwife gives you her personal phone number and e mail address and you can call or e mail anytime during your pregnancy. Also, for six weeks after the baby is born, this midwife visits you in your home and makes sure that you and baby are adjusting well. She has a degree in breastfeeding counseling (who knew that existed?). Within the first week, she'll come to the house nearly every day and check up on you. I've never heard of a doctor making house calls. There's usually a health nurse that makes one home visit, and even that I found amazing.

I'm going to go about this differently. I can't wait until I'm pregnant and I can legitimately call her. I'm excited that I have the option to have a woman deliver my baby. There are only 8 doctors in Nanaimo that do deliveries, and prenatal care, and I think 6 of them are men and you don't have a choice who you get. I know it's old fashioned, but I do not want a man doing that job. It freaks me out. I'm glad that I'm a bit different and didn't wait until I was halfway through my pregnancy to look into this. I don't think it's ever too early to make plans (my mother just rolled her eyes and smiled indulgently at that). I'm not buying into a fairy tale. I know it's going to be horrendously painful. I may take the drugs - I just don't know. I am, however, so happy that I have a choice.