first hello

Hi Baby,

Yesterday I got to see you for the very first time. I was so scared the day before, as though you were something wonderful I dreamed up that they could take away from me. Isn't that silly? I worried that I imagined you, I worried that you were too small, or that you had a brother or sister in there with you. They say mom's worry incessantly about their kids, but I think it starts earlier than I thought.

So your daddy came to pick me up and we drove through the snow to the ultrasound place. They made me drink a bunch of water so it would be easier to see you and I was a little uncomfortable. They made daddy wait outside while they squirted some stuff on my tummy and found you, and measured you and made sure that you were where you are supposed to be. Then they let daddy come in and they gave us this little TV to look at, and then there you were! Your little heart was beating like crazy, and I could see all your arms and legs and the umbilical cord where you're getting all your food. I was trying not to cry in front of the ultrasound guy, and I wasn't doing a very good job if it, and then you waved at me!! I couldn't believe it! You raised your little right hand and waved it in the air, and even the ultrasound guy laughed. Maybe that made you excited because then you kicked your little legs and wiggled around a bunch, and I started laughing and crying, and your daddy was laughing at you too. Maybe you wanted to show me how big you're getting and how healthy you are so I could stop worrying. Thanks, I feel much better. Another funny thing is that when I looked at you, I had the strongest feeling that you were a little boy. I almost called you Gabe in the ultrasound room. Isn't that strange? And afterward your daddy was talking about how athletic you were, and maybe you'd like to play football one day. We'll see in a few weeks if we have to eat our words. Don't worry, if you're a little girl, we'll be just as happy, and you'll be the most amazing little princess in the world. We just think you're more the quarterback type right now.

Your daddy and I are now trying to find you the perfect place to live. We want to move soon, and give you a nice, quiet place to come home to, but I'm having some trouble finding something that I would like enough. I'm going to take a week off work and look around, but don't worry, we'll find you the perfect spot soon enough.

I'm so glad I got to see you yesterday. Your daddy and I love you so much. I think you've become very real to your daddy, because now when he says goodbye to me, he rubs my tummy and says bye to you too. Every night before we go to sleep we put our hands on my tummy and we pray that you'll just keep growing away in there, big and strong, and warm and safe. I can't wait until I can hold you, and sing you to sleep. You're the very best thing that's ever happened to your daddy and me since we found each other, and we're so happy you're here.

Love, Mommy

p.s. If we could hold you now, this is what you'd look like. Aren't you amazing?